Week 06 : Cup Final : Match Report

THE BOBS WIN CUP FINAL IN STYLE

Dancing outside Cunninghams reported.

TEAM TRIFFY BOTTLE IT ON PENALTIES

AFTER PRE-MATCH BINGE ON MANKY PORK PRODUCE

Local heroes 'The Bobs' returned home to fucking unbelievable scenes this week after lifting the inaugural Fr. Delaney memorial champions challenge league cup, we can exclusively reveal. Jubillant local crowds crammed onto the Main Street from O'Neills nearly all the way down to Cunninghams.

"At one stage there was a run on battered sausages", said Padraig Cunningham. Then one of the Dooleys came in and told him to fuck-off 'cos they owned the place now. Anyway - there was definitely a run on sausages.

News of the heroic victory of Tramore's very own Bobbydazzlers spread after it was mentioned at 11 mass last sunday - just after the communion. " You won't fucking believe this" said the priest ,"- but the Bobs have only gone and beat those townie wankers - The Triffs" he added.

The final game of the 6 week competition commenced with a visibly over-weight Team Triff lumbering onto to the pitch, confirming recent rumours of pre-match binges on mingin' pork.

The Triffs took an early 2 goal lead, due in the main to poxy ricochets and goalkeeper assault, but impressive defending from this years surprise defensive pairing of Jama & Danson, soon steadied the ship. Despite the fact that the entire squad of Team Triff packed their own goal for long periods of the first half - Capt. Bobby lead by example and with the bravery of somebody very brave indeed - pulled back the 2 goal deficit by half time, underscoring his iconic & talismanic credentials.

Outrageous diving by Capt. Triff on numerous occasions led eventually to his own team asking him to 'pack it in'.

Thankfully for all - he did. Eventually. Fuck sake.

The second half started with the Bobs on the offensive and clearly enjoying the ocassion. Not the other guys - they were all angry and shit, a direct result of the mouldy bacon they were firing down their cake-holes. Again though - mainly by just barging through people - they managed to pull ahead by a goal. The Bobs drew level again. 3 all. Then - a lucky deflection sees the ball rebound in a crowded 2 yard box, and trickle over the line. 4-3 to the Triffs - with 5 minutes to play.

"No fuckin' way" says Garvisco (AKA 'Pat The Postman' - The newly self appointed referee) as he blows up for full time. "We win this game. We're finishing early - while we're in the lead, and I have decided we will have penalties to decide the cup."

And so 6 weeks of blood, sweat, tears, urine & buckets of spittle came down to a penalty shoot out. One man and a ball against another man in front of a net. Awesome.

5 minutes later it was all over. Suffice to say The Bobs - with steel in their belly, determination in their eyes, belief in their lower intestines, and God on their side,smote the smitten & lifted the cup!

As for the Triffs, they were fucking apalling. Never practiced their penalties. Simple as that.

Now with their season in tatters, a squad of players addicted to rancid bangers, and whose ability will never match their ambition, the future for this band of 'Guns for hire' looks as promising as a knackers crusty jocks.

A glorious end to a fabulous inaugural cup, with The Bobs not only winning the Cup, but also the hearts & minds of the people of Tramore. What thoroughly decent fellows they really are.

Week 05 : Match Report

BOBS CREATE HISTORY 

WITH GREATEST COMEBACK EVER

After the controversy and general underhand antics of the Triffs following last week’s game, it was paramount that Game 5 passed off without incident. The football community held it’s breath as the sides made their way to the Kingfisher Sports Emporium for the big KO.

Alas, crowd congestion would lead to a 30 minute delay to proceedings, time enough for Pat the Baker to cook up yet more bizarre explanations as to how in fact, beyond all the evidence to the contrary, they had in fact won the previous week. But moving on….game five was now upon us, but with the team line-ups having an unfamiliar look.

With two pre-arranged guest appearances having been drafted in, the Bobs, in their usual sporting and generous way, welcomed the two newcomers into the Bobbydazzler fold. Alas, the new recruits found the tempo of the game a bit much to take, and in a hopelessly mismatched opening 20 minutes, the Triffs raced into an unprecedented SEVEN goal lead. Changes were needed to secure the integrity of this great contest, and so a switch was made with John ‘NOT’ Scott switching to the Bobs, and new boy Liam having the misfortune of having to ply his trade with the Triffs. 

With the sides now on a level playing field, the Bobs set about acquiring respectability, as surely the game was way beyond them now. And slowly but surely, they did. One goal came…then a second…then a third. And now there was only four goals between the teams. Were the Triffs beginning to creak? 

With the Bob defence impregnable, and the newly returned ‘Budgie’, Gazza and NOT ‘Scott’ having  blinders, it was now all to play for. And suddenly, stop the press, the Bobs were one up. Only then did the Triffs muster themselves, to score their first goal since the early blitz to level the scores at 9-9.

But the Bobs were not to be denied now – and two more goals secured a memorable win and a comeback to echo through the ages. Agincourt, Dunkirk, The Siege of Derry….put them all together and multiply by two and you might come close to the magnitude of this performance. The game, and result, that all football fans wanted after last week’s debacle.

With one week to go, the Bobs lead 3-2 (well, 3-1 actually but it is Christmas). Can game seven muster up drama like this? Will our hearts be able to take the strain? Will Triffy revive his ‘back-of-a-chip bag’ teamtalk? Will Jama be wearing a new type of Cologne for the occasion? And will Captain Bobby escape from under the thumb of his glamorous other half to hold aloft the Fr Delaney trophy? All will be revealed on Thursday night.

CAPT. TRIFFY POSITION UNTENABLE FOLLOWING RECENT ALLEGATIONS.

A new survey reveals a crisis in camp Triffy, with reports emerging that Capt. Triffy has lost the confidence of his dressing room, as well as his back door key. Insiders reveal that a series of behind the scenes bust-ups have resulted in calls for his resignation-from his own players.

One fellow team-mate, who was afraid to be identified, said ' I think it's time he stepped aside and gave someone else a go - I mean there are lads there with badges not even getting a look in because of his selfish & arrogant attitude.'

Calls for a change of stewardship at the Triffs has come hot on the heels of fresh revelations of match-rigging and widespread corruption.

BONO APPEALS FOR CALM AMID GROWING PUBLIC UNREST AT TEAM TRIFFY

POPE BONO URGES : 'AH C'MON LADS'

Conciliation talks mooted - 'Week 05 game must go ahead - for all our sakes'

Local clergy in frantic efforts to broker 11th hour deal.

KOFI : My pledge to expose Team Triffy as Liars & Cheats

Kofi Annan has sensationally moved tonight to expose Team Triffy as liars & cheats,in a claim that has rocked the footballing world, we can exclusively reveal.

A leaked copy of the Team Triffy pre-match tactics, scribbled on the back of a greasy chip bag, included the Captains words 

" Lads we have no chance of wining this game - so I suggest we cheat now & lie about the result. Those idiots in Tramore will belive anything!"

 The words 'Chips' &  'Sausages' were also on the bag.

NEW SURVEY RELEASED

Public anger over misreporting of latest challenge cup result.

Captain Triff and his happless band of cohorts have been exposed as liars in a recent survey conducted especially for 'Eye On Tramore', we can reveal.

Week 04 : Match Report

The game started with loads of kicking & heading.People passed the ball & sometimes 'shot'.


There were a couple of throw-ins & Triffy scored a penalty.His side led at half-time,in no small part down to the genius of their footballing matador,Xavi,but also down to sterling work from The Garvey Bros(fuck The Charltons)& monsieur Scott.Relatively normal game you might say.

Unfortunately however,as the 2nd half began,so did the insanity.
1st there were absurd calls of 'handball' by The Bobs.Through sportsmanship & good grace these were allowed to pass without too much indignation & the game went on.As the clock struck 9 the triffs were 3 goals to the good.Unaware of the clock,they carried on playing.4 minutes into unauthorised 'overtime' Triffy was knocked arse over tit in a dangerous,attacking position.In spite of a dignified apology & admission that it WAS a FOUL & SHOULD'VE been a FREE,from the player involved,the game went on & the Bobs promptly scored.Then with The Triffs in posession & in another dangerous attacking position The Bobs declared 'game over'!A draw!

I've worshipped at the alter of The Beautiful Game for many a long year & I've witnessed cheating & gamesmanship before.But nothing on this scale.In spite of the cynicism of his players,their captain,Bob,a byword for sportsmanship among professionals,admitted defeat.A noble gesture from a man of true stature!It's 2-2 & all to play for!& hopefully The Bobs can learn from their captain,their consciences'll be jolted,& football & the series can redeem itself in the next fixture.

BREAKING NEWS : FALSE MATCH REPORTS CIRCULATING

Inaugural Fr. Delaney Champions Challenge Cup Unveiled*

* Not Actual Size
* Real cup may vary

Week 04: Bobbydazzlers Probable Line-up

Week 04: Probable Team Triffy Line-up

Week 03 : Match Report

CAPTAIN TRIFFY HUMILIATED AS HE REALISES HIS TEAM ARE A LOAD OF WANK!

Resolute defending & sublime passing interplay seperated the men from the ’boys’in this much anticipated fixture.

A drubbing was on the cards before the game even started with the away team delaying the kick off due to petty team in-fighting.


With their defence mimicing all the organisation of a girl guides visit to the fun-fair Team Triffy were cut wide open time & time again by the incisive crisp passing game of the home team.

For the Triffs, halftime couldn’t come quick enough, with them trailing by 7-4.But their respite was shortlived, and following their inital refusal to take to the pitch for the 2nd half, when it commenced,it was more of the same, as Bobbydazzlers turned in another awe-inspiring performance.

Week 02 : Match Report

Extra, extra read all about it . Winner alright!
An under strength team Triffy won by 3 goals last Thursday. Despite losing some key members of the team, Team Triffy dug deep and came from behind to hold on for an emotional win . Words of encouragement were received via text message from Captain Nick before the match "keep the chin up".
The word on the street is that both captains will be back for this weeks game.

Its one each with four games to go and its all to play for this Thursday.

Week 01 : Match Report

The first game of the 2008 Christmas Cup World Series saw Team Bobby run out narrow winners. Despite dominating for large portions of the game, a combination of bad finishing and resolute defending from the Triffs meant the result remained on a knife-edge right to the death. Ultimately the Bobs superior passing game and strategy won the day against the Triffs looser, Brazilian style.

However it’s all still to play for. Who will have bragging rights in the Grand on Stephen’s Night as yet remains too hard to call, with the bookies having the Bobs at slight favourites. Game two on Thursday night, where the Triffs will have home advantage, may will prove vital to the ultimate destination of the inaugural Christmas Cup.