MATCH REPORT : SUPERVALUE CHALLENGE

Much anticiapted fixture descends into farce after

Supervalue Select XI reject association rules

in desperate attempt to win at any cost.

Artists impression of football in the olden days

Those anticiapting a game of football played to association rules were last night left dumbfounded after the local supermarket team 'won' in the most dubious of circumstances.Sporting their usual pink kit, and wearing studs & shinguards, a rag-tag team of butchers, bakers & associated retail trades wasted no time bastardising the time honoured rules of the beautiful game.

Starting one man down , LXG (League of Extraordinary Gentlemen) found themselves on the back foot, against a team who thought nothing of goalhanging, residing so far off-side they'd need a train to get them back on.In contrast,LXG, whose every move & motive preconified the advancement of our beautiful game, respected the rules & remained on-side for the duration of the match.The integrity & commitment of thier front line shone like something very shiny indeed , and contrasted starkly with the fuckology & utter dishonesty of their intensely unlikeable opponents.

SEPP BALTTER:

"These Supervalue guys - they ruining the beautiful game. Iffa they don'ta play offside - they canna fuck off!"

" I thank God everyday that there are people like these 'Extraordinary Gentlemen' who uphold & protect the association rules. These other guys - they should be shot with balls of their own shitta!"

It is a source of perpetual wonder how, when faced with the constant & downright over-the-top physical attacks (elbows & studs mostly) - LXG's keeper & front line retained composure and refused to engage with the WWF wannabe's.

GHANDI - YESTERDAY:

"I'm peaceful man -

but even I wanna slap those c*nts"

But for all of their cheating & attempts at physical intimidation, the game was not as one sided as it could have been. After initially going 4 goals up without reply, the not-so-fabulous "Baker Boys" shot their load and within 30 minutes looked like a spent force.

And so the stage was set for a rolicking final half an hour.

Cometh the hour, cometh the man.

Captain Triff decided enough was enough. Enough of the pushing in the back, enough of the elbows in the face, enough of their shitty - 'A la Carte' rules.

Grabbing the game by the scruff of the neck - he dropped deep, and exploited the cavernous gap between their visibly knackered back line and midfield. Within 20 minutes his efforts had helped bring his team to within striking distance of victory, and in so doing exposed as premature any suggestion of his retirement.

Their defence dismantled, and their spirit broken they were there for the taking. But with only minutes remaining on the clock, Supervalue resorted to desperate measures, and in a move of last resort kicked all the remaining balls over the fence.

Weather they would have been beaten had they decided not to blow up is a moot point. In truth, to win with such dishonesty and with such blatent disregard for the spirit of the game is no victory at all.

ANGRY MOB DESCENDS ON SUPERVALUE IN PUBLIC SHOW OF CONTEMPT.

"From now on we'll do our shopping elsewhere" Someone said. "Wank*rs!" Fr. Delaney added.

Denis Walsh to re-open his grocery shop in show of solidarity.